Animal Psychics

No.  This isn’t a joke.  There are actually people who claim to be able to communicate with animals psychically.  Now, psychics are bad enough… preying on people’s need for closure and mourning.  And, they’ve been de-bunked countless times, demonstrating that their psychic abilities are a combination of the knowledge of human behavior, body language, surreptitious investigation of the subject and, of course, a complete lack of a moral compass.

But, please… animal psychics?  Your cat is telling me that the new brand of catnip isn’t up to par — $50.  Your hamster feels too constrained — $60?  Is there no shame?  In case you think I’m kidding… have a look for yourself:

• The Animal Psychic
• Sonya Fitzpatrick
• Gail Thackray
• Pet Psychics find lost pets
• Or  just look at the Google Search

By the way… they don’t actually need to be in the presence of your pet to perform their miracles.  If you give them a picture of a lost pet… they can “feel” them and find them.

On the other hand, maybe I’m wrong.  Times are tough, there is a recession on.  Perhaps it’s just a valued service.  If so, please send me an e-mail if you need any of the psychic services that I can provide:

• Communicating with your furniture — that sofa might be dying for a new cover
• Locating lost socks — show me a picture and point me to the laundry room
• Making a list of people that might be laughing at you, not with you
• Suggesting books you might like by their aura (matching it to your aura’s color)
• Helping you name unconceived children by sensing how their future will be affected by different names

I sense that after reading this article you are going to be much happier… $20, please.

The Management.